Open RP Post

[devilstongue]

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[halforc]

[ He supposes one of them has to be the adult, but it can wait until Fjord has had some Queen's water fresh from the bar, in no mood for ale. The woman who serves him recognises him immediately and he finds himself thanking the red tiefling for taking care of his drunk ass the night before, earning a wave of No Big Deal. Everything else they say is between them and before he leaves the bar she pats him in the cheek, making his ears turn dark green as she warns him to stay sober another day (at least).

Back at the table, he catches Beau's meaningful eye and gives her one back, because he is getting to it, gods damn. He sips his drink, waiting for the conversation to wind down, and finds his gaze drawn sombrely to Molly again. ]

[devilstongue]

[ To be fair, Mollymauk has only lived for two years and neither of those included relationships above family and friends. Fjord would always be the one with more life experience, no matter how much the tiefling had thrown into his life at breakneck speed.

He feels terrible about it, though. Now that the anxiety has gone, all he wants is to undo it.

When the babbling and eating has turned to more quiet camaraderie with Caduceus coming to serve tea that he made in the Chateau's kitchen, he thinks about leaving - but then Fjord looks his way and Molly meets it briefly before looking down again. ]

[halforc]

[ As the rest of the Nein start to settle in for tea, Fjord steps up beside where Molly is sitting and waits to catch his notice. Failing that, he clears his throat and says in an undertone, ]

Do you want to talk now?

[devilstongue]

[ He was not prepared for Fjord to actually ask him to talk when they were still around the others, so Molly looks a little surprised as the half-orc steps up behind him and ask. Turning to meet those yellow eyes, the tiefling nods and detaches himself from Yasha, who gives him a little pat on the butt as he gets up. ]

Mine or yours?

[ A less fun thing to ask about room choices over. ]

[halforc]

Mine.

[ It has some shitty memories from recent events but he'd rather be there than in Molly's right now. The silent trip to the room grates on his nerves, holding the door open for Molly when they get there and closing it on their heels.

Fjord folds his arms, steeling himself for what he has to say. ]

First, I'm sorry for saying what I did. I was thinking of myself and not what made you comfortable, it was selfish.

[devilstongue]

[ Molly doesn't care which room they are in, it seems like it would hurt just as much wherever they were. The silence is deafening in his ears, thundering beats that might be his heart or his brain (or both) trying to escape this.

Once they're inside, he opens his mouth and then shuts it immediately again as soon as Fjord speaks. ]

...wait, what? Why are you apologizing, I'm the one who was an asshole. [ He crosses his arms slightly, unsure about his stance now. ] I got scared and I said things that weren't true to push you away.

[halforc]

You said we fucked twice and you couldn't give me what I wanted, that wasn't untrue. I wanted to keep living in the perfect honeymoon period we had, maybe that's why it felt like falling, I don't know. You're the first person I've slept with who didn't make it seem like it was all physical so it's on me for being naive.

[ It felt, for a while, like he could trust Molly with all his heart; now, with it bruised and aching, he misses that closeness but is in no rush to open himself up the same way again. Beneath the Paladin stuff and new accent he's still the same Fjord that Molly met who closes himself off, doing it far less often now yet seemingly has a good enough reason to after Molly made a fracture in his soft heart and left him to deal with it. ]

[devilstongue]

...it wasn't just physical for me either, Fjord. You're also the first person I've taken to bed that I truly cared about.

[ He sighs, rubbing his face. That was the crux of it, wasn't it? ]

These two days... fuck, how has it only been two days, it feels like months? They were some of the happiest I've ever had. I've never felt so good in your arms and that's not the sex I'm referring to.

[ Molly's tail flicks and he tries to meet Fjord's eyes. ]

I think I panicked because I have feelings too, and I don't know what that means for us. For me. Shit, I'm really fucking good at being a disaster, case in point. I knew I was going to ruin it somehow, or feel trapped somehow.

[ There's a dry laugh. ]

I ran out to just be my wildest self and all I could think about was you. Nobody got me interested despite people trying to pick me up. So I just found myself a den and got really wasted.

[halforc]

If it wasn't just physical then I don't know why you had to run away! If you want your own space all you have to do is ask, I'm not an asshole trying to smother you.

[ He steps forward against his better judgement but following his heart, offering him a hand. ]

I ... I really don't want you doing that though, going out and taking drugs because of me. I was wasted and I was still scared to leave you alone as you slept last night.

[devilstongue]

I didn't say it was logical! I just... shit, Fjord, I've never had a relationship that's lasted over maybe a night or two. You weren't smothering me, you gave me plenty of outs. I just don't know what to do. It terrifies me to hurt you and yet that was exactly what I did.

[ He takes that hand, gently rubbing a thumb over the palm. ]

...yeah, I was probably overdoing it. I do stupid things sometimes, if you haven't noticed. [ Sigh. ] I just wanted it to stop hurting, because after I left your room I felt like something had carved a hole right through my gut, and nothing could heal that.

[halforc]

Honestly, I'm glad it hurt you to do that because I didn't know if it did.

[ He looks down, ashamed of his own bitterness. His jaw works as he tries to find the right words. ]

You did hurt me. Like — Like Sabian used to. Just fucking walking out, as if everything else between us didn't matter ... even if I was wrong to open my big mouth. I never thought you'd just leave.

[devilstongue]

Of course it did! I'm not heartless, Fjord.

[ That lavender tail comes to wrap around his own leg, and Molly's red eyes slip away from the half-orc's again. ]

That was not what that meant. It mattered to me, Fjord. It does matter to me because now I realize that having feelings for someone isn't frightening, but hurting them is. I don't ever want to be like that man.

[ Molly reaches up to touch the shell on his horn, worrying it between his fingers as he tries to find his words. ]

It wasn't wrong of you to open your mouth. None of this is your fault, you felt like you could share with me freely and I flounced. Even after saying and meaning everything I said while we were in bed.

[halforc]

[ He watches Molly as red eyes drift away, the sight of the shell doing things to his heart that he isn't sure he has any right to feel. Fjord listens, accepting that Molly knows he fucked up and appreciating the balm he gives Fjord's stupidity in thinking aloud in bed.

He doesn't know if it's enough. ]

I've never had a relationship, at least you've liked the people you've slept with. [ Fjord looks down then, shoulders slumping. ] I don't want to be with someone who can walk away from me that easily. It made me feel like I was nothing.

[devilstongue]

[ That was it, wasn't it? Fjord's relationships had been terrible and now he's just added to that. ]

You're not nothing, Fjord. Walking away wasn't easy, it fucking killed me as soon as my brain caught up with me and the panic died away. I'm not... I'm not like those people. I care so deeply about you, and somehow that malfunctioned into some fucked-up way to want to 'spare' you from dealing with me.

[ Turning, he goes to the door - but instead of leaving, he locks it. ]

I'm not leaving again unless you ask me to. I want this, us, but if I've fucked it up completely then I understand.

[halforc]

[ His heart stops tripping when Molly locks the door instead of leaving, which for a hot second looked like it was going to happen all over again. Fjord sits on the edge of his bed, bent over his knees as he stares at his hands. He was falling for him, even if it was just a little, but now it's hard to think around the intense distrust wrapped around his heart like shielding thorns, wary of letting himself be hurt again. ]

I don't know how to tell anymore, that you want me.

[ All the physical fraternising was no guarantee, nor were the pretty words as a result of it. Nor was their time at the beach, or hours spent on the promenade, or that pivotal moment in the kitchen where Molly was so alone and afraid and Fjord couldn't stand to see him like that. He still scoffed and walked out. ]

I ... just don't know, Molly.

[devilstongue]

I don't know how to prove it to you because it just is. I've ruined the happiest days of my life and ruined your trust.

[ He sighs and sinks down on the floor by the door, leaning his head on his knees. ]

I'm a fucking idiot. It doesn't matter how long it takes or if it never us again, I'm already yours. Me running off and wanting nothing more than to come back again proved that to me.

[halforc]

That's not fair. You can't freak out, leave, and then almost kill yourself on drugs just to wake up the next day and mope about being a dick, Molly.

[ Fuck, it's frustrating being the designated adult. ]

Yasha told me to go after you. Maybe I should have, but I refused to. If I can't even trust you to look after yourself, why should I let you have me? I need to rely on you to keep yourself safe and not fly off the handle.

Promise me you'll talk to Yasha or one of the others the next time this happens. I don't want to be responsible for you almost dying in a brothel!

[devilstongue]

I wasn't trying to hurt myself! Everything would have been fine, I paid a man to take me back if it got out of control. Some half-elf. You don't have to look out for me, but I am a fucking mess at times. Something I stupidly tried to protect you from having to deal with.

[ He sighs again. ]

It's not going to be a next time. At least not because of anything between us.

[ Yasha had talked to him all day. He's probably never had such a stern chat with his charm. ]

[halforc]

[ He moves across the room to kneel on a bent leg before Molly, brushing through the flop of hair that always slides between his horns. ]

I know you're a mess, I get why. [ Dying, returning, feeling out of place. ] I want to be the reason you're not. I want to be reason enough.

[devilstongue]

You were. I felt like I was where I belonged, finally. Everything was easier, like I was connecting back not only to you but to everyone. Then it scared me because I eventually would end up hurting you somehow and I knowing you were falling in love with me was terrifying..I'm not the kind of person that should be loved in that way.

[ He closes his eyes but leans in slightly to the touch. It's bittersweet, because he doesn't feel like he deserves it.]

So I did the dumb thing and flounced and managed to hurt you anyway.

[halforc]

You're not the kind of person who deserves it? Don't be stupid. I can't think of one reason you don't deserve to be loved.

[ He gives that hair a little more grip, as if to gently shake some sense into him. ]

You just ... put the falling part on pause.

[devilstongue]

I was dead for a year. I don't even know if this counts as alive after everything I've missed. I can wake up tomorrow and not be me any more. I don't think that's safe to love.

[ He shrugs again, reaching out to cover Fjord's hand with his own. ]

... even so, pause is better than a stop.

[halforc]

Of course you're alive. You're not going to wake up as anyone else, Molly ... [ A small smile wryly curls the corners of his lips. ] They'd have too much to live up to.

[ The smile softens, solemn as he brings Molly's hand to his lips for a chaste kiss. Molly's apologised and admitted his faults, it's only fair that Fjord does the same. ]

I've never done this before. Gone steady, or whatever. You'll have to tell me if I'm too much, or if I need to back off.

[ Wanting to give the person you love your heart is how it's supposed to be, he thinks, but then again who is Fjord to dictate the rules of any romance. He's never had one. ]

[devilstongue]

Hah! Now that is at least true.

[ He smiles a little, even if it is a bit strained. It's hard to be honest, but who else could he be honest with?

At the other words, the smile softens. ]

...me neither, obviously. I'll keep that in mind.

[ Molly squeezes that hand with his own, fingers trailing the lines of the palm again. ]

Do you want me to leave for the night?

[ He'll understand if he should. It might take time. ]

[halforc]

No, stay here.

[ It should be embarrassing how eager he is to have Molly back in his arms, the pain of the last day easing the longer he feels his touch. He's wide-awake after spending most of the afternoon asleep, but if it means he gets to bed down with Molly ... ]

Let's lie down and get some rest. Does that sound okay?