I will be as gentle as I can, sweet Guinevere! I will not leave one bruise upon your voluptuous, fair-skinned body, even though my longing for you is so hard.

[ He can't stop giggling, both at the ridiculous quotes, Fjord's voice and how nice it was to just be a dumb asshole with his asshole friend in between touches so sweet that it might not fit in a novel, but were certainly far more real. ]

Certainly no love could ever spoil you, my darling, for your father does not own your shivering, vulnerable body...

[ He makes a face at that. ]

...who writes these things?